crunkhighinsanely stupid bella sorry edward
by death by twilight
Summary: i have no idea what this is. sorry.


**Elllo my name is BELLA. I IZ pretty. Pretty fatty! A WOWOWOWOW! Heh not relly. ****Me borfrand iz edwardini. He is froma de italia country. He make goode spagati. I like his spagati. POOP BISCUITS. I LIKE HIS POOP BISCUITS. THEY IS YUMMY IN MY TUMMY. Edwardini and me is getting married. I will be wearing a black think that is black. Edwardini is wearing a purple dress cuz he is smelly. Smelly is he! Edward is a good boy bubby who wears dressies to be weddie. Dressies to be weddie! Wedgie? What is wedgie? I shull look tat up in tee addictionberry. **

**Addictionberry says: wedgie: something you give your hubbie on yer weddy day. JUSK KIDDINS! I IS SO FUNNY! TAT TIS NOT THE REAL WORDS! THIS TIS!:**

wedgie: noun 1 (in folklore) a corpse supposed to leave its grave at night to drink the blood of the living. 2 (also vampire bat) a small bat that feeds on blood by piercing the skin with its incisor teeth, found mainly in tropical America. Hmmmm.

-DERIVATIVES vampiric adjective vampirism noun.

-ORIGIN Hungarian vampir, perhaps from Turkish uber 'witch'.

**OOOH. SO MY HUBBY IS A WEDGIE? Ok!**

**Hello wedgie!**

**Edward****ini**: Bella? Are you okay?

Bella: I tiz mui mui otay! Isn't that right wedgie?

Edward: wedgie? What is this nonsense? Bella honey are you okay?

Bella: I tiz mui mui otay! Isn't that right wedgie?

Edward: Bella! Oh know! You just said that! Why are you saying wedgie?she must have food poisoning or something.

Bella: food poisoning??!!! das a good one! You is so funny, wedgie! So so funny! What iz you gonner say, now? That you isn't a wedgie? Hah!

Edward: no, actually, I am not a wedgie. I is a vampire. I mean I _am_ a vampire. Now lets get you to a hospital.

Beller: a vampire!?!? das even funnyr den the food poisonin! Is you sure that _you_ don't need one of dem thospitles? Cuz you actin real funner, you are.

Edward: Bella, I really need to take you to Carlisle. CARLISLE! BELLA NEEDS SOME MENTAL HELP!

Carlisle: what be the problem, wedgie?

Edward: oh no! You have the food poisoning, too? What has come to the world?!!!!

Bella: dressies.

Carlisle: yes, it be dressies that is coming to the world. DRESSIES and WEDGIES and MAN PANTS?!!

Bella: man pants????? das what I'm talkin bout! Edward, you be needing some man pants! Get on your dressie!!

Edward: Bella, dear, are you sane?

Bella: hah. 'Bella dear.' das fah-hunny..das like. bell. A dear. Doe. A dear. A female dear.

Edward: aye aye aye

Bella: ai ai ai! Mucho toast! With butter! And honey! Funny honey dear!

Edward: I have to go now.

Bella: on no you doesn't! You come right over here, mister spagetti, me mama some poop biscuits. POOP BISCUITS.

Edward: but I dont have to go the bathroom. I never will. I'm a vampire. I can't go the bathroom.

Bella: vampire? Nonsense! You a big boy wedgie now! Come party with da dressies and man pants and POOP BISCUITS!!!

Edward: hey what's that?

Bella: what be what?

Edward: that!

Bella: oooh. You mean dat? Dat be my goode frand jacobey. Hes a dog, you no.

Edward: I believe that hes dangerous to us. We should make a run for it!.

Bella: you want to run for it? Race? Ok! On your mark, get set, run!

Jacobey: ill beat the crap out of this wedgie.

Edward: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Bella: ha ha das funny. Now go!

Jacobey: no problem, bells. Your wish is my tortuous delight. Muahuahuahuahau. Ka-powey!

Edward: oh no I died! Wait I'm already dead. **Or it is that you killed death itself and now you are alive?**

Me: yay! That's a line from

**And the Smokers and Children Shall Be Cast Down **by **Showbread! **Me and my sister LOVE that song! Youre so cool.

Edward: well, that's very nice, but I'm kinda running for my life...ish...thing now! So keep on writing and make sure that I win! Pleaseeee!!!!

Jacobey: WHAT WAS THAT? Sucking up to the author, eh? Ill show you! FROOM!

Jacobey turns into a robot with a FROOM! Sound. Edward turns into a...bat? What?

Edward: yeah that's right, I'm a bat! Wait why did I do that again? _(He says this in bat-sonar) _

stupid.

Bella: vat did he say? All I can har is that little scribbley sound that you har in carttons when little people talk, like plankton on spongebob. See reverse side for directions on how to assemble.

Jacobey: hes speaking in BAT SONAR. Stupid little thing.

Edward: hah. I'm not so stupid after-all. _It's a small world after all, it's a small world after all... da nuh nuh neh nuh duh nuh nuh nuh NUH da nuh nuh NUH nuh ba da dah duh duh..._

Bella: sing of your mistakes! Put lipstick on your mirror, cry into your hands! Me likes **Showbread**, too author. Ok, now that im sucked-up, make me into a bat too so I can fly away with edwardini. Pah-leeze!!

Me: otay.

Bella: FROOM! Me iz a bat girl now! Just call meh Vella!

Me: um...ok...Vella... but youre not a bat, youre a...fat butterfly.

Vella: AHHHHH! EVEN BETTA!!!

Edward: what just happened?

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Jacobey: (robot voice) ok, this is the dumbest plot ever, I'm leaving.

Me: ugh, fine. You wouldn't understand, anyway.

Jacobey: which is exacly why I WANT OUT.

Me: ok, if that's how you want it... heh heh heh...

entire view goes black. A screeching sound is heard, and then the sound suddenly stops. The lighted view is restored, and...uh...ketchup_ has been splattered everywhere._

Edward: heh heh. Ok, THAT was pretty awesome.

Bella: yuppers. Ok silly willy man pants, les get back to the telly vision business train.

Edward: what? What? WHAT? DOES NOTHING MAKE SENSE ANYMORE????

Bella: nope : and dats the way uh-huh, uh-huh I like it.

Joshua Stephen Porter, aka Josh Dies, aka DIES, aka lead singer of Showbread.: hi friends! Id just like to thank you for appreciating my lyrics by using them randomly in your...uh...fanfiction story! Amen!

Me: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hes so hot. ANYWAY.

Vella: yeah,. His makeup is pretty pretty.

Me: yeah... but hes mine. Besides, your getting married, now arent you?

Vella: soup! Soup! The Dissonance of discontent! If you like me, check yes, if you don't ill die!

Me: stop stealing Showbread from me. Lets talk about something else.

Vella: otayyy!!!! what about The Blood Brothers?

Me: NO. NO MORE MUSIC TALK. I do like the blood brothers, though. Very much so. Hey what happened to your wedgie?

Vella: it has been picked and taken care of.

Me: no. I mean your hubby wedgie with the man pants dressies and poop biscuits that you are getting married to. Remember?

Vella: ahhhh! Yes!! Taken care of.

Me: what did you do to him?

Vella: what? Ooh! THAT wedgie. I tot you was talking about me other wedgie again. I was tinking, why does she ask me dis?

Me: uh..yeah...no. wheres Edward?

Edward: UH GAH GAH GAH GAH GAHGAHAGHAGHAHGAGAHGAHGAHAGHAGAH!!!

Vella: oh, nothing. Hes someplace in nice, warm, milk.

Me: what? Ok, I'm gonna back out of the story now... but I need another character to come into play. Hm...

Vella: POOP BISCUITS! POOP BISCUITS! Poooooooo...

Authors noteyy:

I'm terribly sorry, but I've been suppressing some serious problems recently, and this is how they are unleashed. With poop biscuits, man pants, and dressies for wedgies! Ahem.

Aw man, I just realized that Vella and Edwardini are still bats and...fat butterflys. Oh well, ill go change them. Hold on for a sec...

-----

Me: hi.

Vella: hi...WAIT...WHAT ARE YOU DOING??? AHHHHH!!!!

Me: you're a human person now, get over it. Ok, now watch while I change Edward next.

Edward: OH NO YOU DON'T. I made myself a bat, and I can change myself back. FROOM!

Me: ugh fine. Youre both good to go.

Vella: eeeeeeeee.

-----

Sorry about that. That was beginning to be a problem, and problems created my me need to be fixed if one wants the entire human race to stay as healthy as possible. **Ok, so back to business. This chapter is done, it was written and posted in two days, it could have been less, but I had to have a break in between to do something unimportant, like sleeping. The next chapter will continue to be as randomly written as this one was, but the change in plot will be that there in another character added into play. This is one of those things that you guys can suggest! It has to be an actual character in a book, not necessarily one of stephenie meyer's books, but it could also be from...like... a T.V. show. I guess I will pick the characted to be added be reading you reviews and seeing what you guys have said and suggested for the next plot. If it is a character I am not familiar with, then, obviously, it won't be used. Since you guys have no idea who I do and don't know, youll just have to guess a person and then see if I like the idea and use it. The person/people who picks/pick the best character will be thanked personally in the authors note! Yeah, I know, how ggreat of an honor is that? Not much of one. I guess I could also use you in the plot, if you want to say hi or something. Ok, now I feel like I'm typing too much, so I'm just gonna stop. **


End file.
